Well look who it is?

Well I've finally got round too it. The question can I really be bothered to keep up with writing a blog? I know I started one on twitter, but I don't think I even wrote one entry! I'm not really even expecting anyone to read this, so I might as well go ahead and fill this blog with all my emotions and thoughts (heck, I'm a girl, I have PLENTY of these). A few months back I moved to Orkney from Cambridge and so I partly created this blog so that if anyone wants too, they can check up on how I'm doing! (After thought: I do apologise for the amount of 'I's there are here. I'm not feeling well and consequently what I have written is dull as watching paint dry!)

The past couple of weeks have been a huge eye-opener for me. I have quite literally cried all day everyday for two weeks, but in the past couple of days something has changed. For one, I haven't cried! In fact, in the past couple of weeks, huge things have changed. God has been doing huge things in me. Just so everything I say makes sense, I broke up with my boyfriend two weeks ago and I also moved house nearly 3 months ago, so I've been pretty all over the place recently! I've found myself clinging to God with everything within me. Sounds corny, possibly pathetic but I really have been desperate to be closer to him, desperate to be filled, desperate to be restored and renewed, desperate to be changed.

Phillipians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which trescends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Jesus Christ

I've noticed how little time I was spending with God. Picking up some points from Ali's talk at soul survivor this year, I had realised how dry it was getting. Again, using very cheesy expressions! But the more I look at it, the more I realise how dangerously close I was too letting my heart grow hard. As soon as the pain began, I really couldn't deal with it on my own. I knew I had to go back to God and I needed his strength, I needed him to come and change me. I was reading the word 4 u 2day a few days ago and it really re instated what I knew was happening.

'All the while God is telling you, 'Stop it,' and you're saying, 'Yeah, I know. I'm gonna do better.' Then finally a crisis happens and the truth hits you. You need to change.'

Phillipians 3:13 says 'But one thing I do: forgetting what is behind and straining forward to what is ahead'.

Actually, I just literally found that verse, and that is exactly what I decided to do yesterday. Forget the past, press on into God, press on into his will for my life. (I'll come back to this) There have been so many points in these past few weeks where I have been looking to be satisfied. So many times when I've just been like 'if I flirt with so and so, if I get with so and so, if I do this, if I go to that' and not getting it. I flirted and tried it on with every one (ok, quite a few) lads because I was feeling empty, worthless and desperate to be wanted, and I saw something in my personality that hadn't been there before, something I didn't like, and something I KNEW God wanted to fix. When I did, finally, submit to him, fully. Not just my tearful 'God, please, please, please heal me, please please' (I was pretty desperate) but making a conscious descision in my heart to trust him completely, to trust that he will bring through this, to look to the right things to fulfill my needs, not my own wants.

Isaiah 43:2
'When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.'

This is one of my favourite verses, and just notice how it says WHEN, not IF, you pass through the waters. Troubled times are coming, they may already be here for some, but God is there. God will bring you through it. And the best, most amazing part of this verse?

Isaiah 43:4
Since you are precious and honoured in my sight, and because I love you.

Keeping your heart soft and open to God is going to come with pain, its going to be hurt, but God can do amazing through a heart that is open to him and his will.

I'm tired, feeling ill, need a shower and need to get some biology and maths done, so I'm off for tonight. I also doubt very much that I am making sense and I haven't even started to get onto the point that I wanted to make. Mental note to write more of what I wanted too next time.